What exactly is yoga? Most people regard it as painful stretching exercises and meditation that somehow leads to a wonderful feeling of inner peace. Well, I've tried doing some of these stretches, and believe me, I didn't feel much more peaceful when I was done. In fact, I hurt my back and my neck a couple of times. Ouch. But, I probably wasn't concentrating well enough on my PRANA (breath) and my ayama (pause).

I guess this page is to share my regimen for obtaining inner peace. First of all, I know what you're thinking. The consumption of alcohol or other sinful spirits is not included, OK? Follow these steps, and you too may obtain the inner peace that I have.	1. Always be sure to watch Sailor Moon in the morning before you go to school. 2. Eat the hot lunch if it's pretzels, chicken patties, or ham and cheese bagels. Otherwise, consume one of your local cafeteria's chocolate chip cookies. YUM! 3. Panic whenever there's a pop quiz, homework assignment that you forgot to do, or lab that you forgot to get something ready for, then sigh with relief when it's all over. 4. Go to aerobics (or marching band practice) at least twice a week to reach your best physical condition. Release any negative energy by punching the air, sticking your tounge out, or throwing your clarinet around. 5. Stay up studying until 11:30 every night while watching I Love Lucy, Laverne and Shirley, and the Wonder Years on Nick at Nite. Laugh at them. Somehow biology sinks in better when Lucy is there to help you absorb all that information. 6. Discover that you got 12 pieces of mail from colleges that day. Achieve total satisfaction by screaming, "GO AWAY YOU STUPID COLLEGE!" and tearing the envelope up and throwing it out. (Do this with only colleges you DON'T want to go to, ok?)
OK, well, I'm sorry if you're disappointed with my regimen for true inner peace. Maybe you actually came here to learn something USEFUL about yoga... OK. Here it is: 1. When you practice yoga, you must have a vegetarian diet. My personal favorite Yoga food is Batsami Rice and vegetables. You can only eat fruits, vegetables, grains, and milk. This is called "Saatvic" food. Then there's Tamasic and Rajastic food, which is plain bad for you. This includes all the yummies like chips, pop, chocolate, mushrooms (yes they're bad!), meat.. This is all "impure refuse" that is NEVER eaten by a proper YOGI (I'm no yogi, believe me.) 2. Do the exercises. I don't have the time or energy to explain them right now, but you are supposed to go slowly and hold them for about 25 years. My personal favorite is the "Plough" where you lay down and flip your feet so they're like above your head. It is so enlightening it just isn't funny!
So.. Watch Laverne and Shirley and get back to me in the morning, k?